What I've learned while at Western.

I came to Western my spring semester freshman year.  I was 18.  One of my best friends had started at Western the semester before me, so I knew at least one person but she already had her group of friends and I was determined to find my group. I had been emailing my roommate but was scared to death of what she was going to be like.  I had heard so many horror stories of bad roommates so I just expected her to be bad.  Little did I know we would end up being best friends.  I didn’t know much about being on my own; heck I didn’t even know how to separate my laundry.  I remember sitting in my room at my grandmothers (our air wasn’t working so I was living with her) and just crying because I wanted to go but I didn’t want to go.  I was terrified of leaving the only place I had ever known, leaving the only people I had ever known, the safety and comfort of my home.  I didn’t want to leave my friends, and even Target (ha-ha).  But, January rolled around and I packed my stuff, put it in the car, and off we went.  Moving in is stressful; if anyone ever says different then they’re lying.  It’s the most exhausting, stressful, and time-consuming thing you will ever do (I promise I’m getting to the list of what I’ve learned).  My first night alone in the dorm (my roommate wasn’t moved back in yet) was the scariest thing I’ve ever done.  Our room was dark and cold.  I locked the door, but if someone walked by the door would move and I would think someone was trying to break in (I was told people weren’t nice at college and that they would try to break in).  As I lay in bed I cried.  I cried because I was alone, I cried because I was scared, I cried because I had finally made it to my goal.  I had worked so hard to get to Western and there I was.  I was so proud of how hard I had worked, and maybe not for you or others I was proud of the courage it took me to go to Western.  I didn’t know what was going to happen, would I make friends? Would I make good grades? Would I even like it as much as I thought? I didn’t know what God had planned but I was ready. 

So, finally, a list of things I learned while at Western. (I may throw in a story to explain some.)

1.     If you want friends you actually have to put forth effort to find them and befriend them. 

 Like I said, I only knew one girl when I came to Western but she already had her friend group.  So, I was determined to find my own and after moving in and meeting Sarah and her friends I was determined they were going to be my friends.  I was very shy at first, around anyone and even in class.  But, I knew I would fit in with Sarah and her friends if I just tried and put forth the effort to be friendly and be myself.   So, every time they asked me to dinner or to hang out I always said yes (with the exception of a few times).  I did my very best to speak, join in the conversation, and have a voice as well as a personality. I didn’t want to just follow them around like a lost puppy.  At night, when Sarah and I were alone doing homework or messing around on Facebook, I made sure to keep the conversation going.  Or I tried at least. I would tell her random stories about my family or what happened that day and then ask her questions about her family or what she had done that day.  I worked hard.  I worked really hard.  The night before we  left for the summer Sarah and I sat up all night and just talked.  We talked about every thing and I knew I had made a friend in Sarah who would be a friend for the long run. 

2.     You have to speak up.  Have a voice. 

I’m going to be honest and say I didn’t learn this until last semester, my senior year.  I never spoke in class unless it was for a grade.  I refused to speak up even if I had something to say.  If I had a problem then an email was good enough for me.  If someone was talking about me or I was at a store and needed help then I would keep quiet and do nothing.  A lot has changed though.  I’ve found my voice, and I use it.  If I need help, have a question or just want to say something then I’m going to say it.  This applies outside the class and school as well.  I didn’t have a bubbly, open personality when I left for college.  I’ve grown and found that sometimes, not all the time, I do have something important to say and should say it.  I’ve found from my senior seminar class that I may just be the class clown and I am fearless even if it leaves me a little light headed because I still get nervous.  I’m able to hold a conversation with someone I haven’t met, a few years ago I wouldn’t have even looked that person in the eye.  I learned that speaking up has more benefits than sitting the back and never saying a word. 

3.     It’s okay to have different beliefs than your family, 

           and it’s also okay to talk about what you believe. It’s okay if you do not believe in the exact same thing as your family.  So what if they disagree with how you live your life and how you believe.  It’s your life not theirs. My mom and I have deep discussions about things I would have never talked about before with her.  And if we did talk about them I wouldn't express my true feelings but now, I let her know what I think and if it hurts her feelings or she doesn't agree then that's okay.  

4.     Sometimes, it’s better to say nothing than something.      

           If there is 16 days left in the semester and you like someone.  Don’t say anything.  Just keep it to yourself.  Trust me, if he likes you then you’ll know it.  Otherwise, the next 16 days will be hell.  

5.     Go out.     

           Go out every weekend if you can.  Find the place where everyone is going, put on your favorite outfit, fix your hair, do your make-up, and go out.  Don’t sit in the corner and hide, find the middle and don’t be afraid to talk to people (sometimes).  You only have four years (which sounds long but goes by so fast) to be crazy and not have to go home to parents.  You’ll regret it if you don’t.  Some of your best stories will come from just going out and people watching. 

6.     The only person holding you back is you.

I was talking to Caroline the other day and she asked me if I had changed since freshman year and I told her I was a completely different person, but that I had become me; the person I was supposed to be.  Freshman year and even sophomore year I was full of fear.  I was scared about going out and making friends, how I looked, that people wouldn’t like me.  I was scared of embarrassing myself.  I was literally afraid of everything and instead of taking a chance I chose to stay in my room and go home every weekend.   While I put myself out there to become friends with Sarah and her friends, I didn’t try making friends anywhere else.  I didn’t speak up in class for fear that I would say something stupid or sound dumb.  Instead of going out freshman year to parties or with friends I chose to go home and spend it with my family who knew me and wouldn’t judge me for my stupid comments.  Don’t misunderstand though because I needed that.  I was scared and worried and I don’t exactly regret my freshman and sophomore year.  Junior year was when I started to change for the better.  I started to find out who I was and who I wanted to be.  I realized I was able to think differently than my family and even my church.  I was able to have my own interests and opinions.  The Sarah’s and I grew closer and both of them unknowingly or maybe even knowingly made me accept who I am, what I look like, how I feel, everything. I slowly started to love myself again through them.  Then senior year, I took it on full swing.  I stopped caring about what others thought about me (not completely) but enough that I was able to become fully me.  I knew who I am and I accepted me.  This may not make any sense to anybody.  I may be talking in circle and be completely unclear but this makes complete and total sense to me.

The past four years have been the time of my life and while I don’t want it to ever end, I know God has amazing things in store for my future and I can’t wait to see what He has planned.