I don't even know anymore.

I have cried and pouted all week about James.  I haven't been able to eat, and when I do it just makes me sick 5 minutes later.  I don't want to leave my room or go out.  Nothing makes me happy.  If I don't stay distracted then I start thinking and over-thinking which just makes me depressed.  I've driven my friends crazy to the point where I don't even think they want to be around me.  They've been the ones who have had to listen to me cry all week about James not liking me.  And, that just makes me depressed more because I'm annoying them to death.  I don't want to be this girl.  I don't want to be the girl who cries and is depressed because one guy doesn't like her.  I hate this girl.  I hate how I've felt all week.  Not being able to eat, crying, I'm sad ALL the time.  I hate that.  It's not me.  But, I can't help it.  I'm trying, I really am.  But, the more I try to be happy and just say "so what, so he doesn't like me, on to the next one" it just isn't helping.  I can't just make myself stop.  I'm not strong enough, I'm not confident enough, I don't even have enough self-esteem to say one thing positive about myself.  Don't judge me silently in your head.  Just because you are confident enough, and have high self-esteem, because people love you doesn't mean it's the same for everyone.  So don't judge me because I'm sad that one guy (who you may not even think is worth my time) doesn't like me.  Don't judge me because I'm pathetic.  Don't tell me to get over it and "on to the next one" because it's not like that for me.