Self- doubt.

We all doubt ourselves at some point.  And it may not even happen just once.  If you're like me, it happens a lot.  I doubt myself all the time.  I have doubts about how I'm doing in college.  I have doubts about what kind of friend, sister, daughter, aunt, cousin, grand-daughter, niece etc that I am.  I have so many roles as an individual and I'm never sure about how I'm doing.  I have doubts about what I look like, how I perceive my self, and how others perceive me.  I have doubts about what I'm going to do after college.  And the biggest doubt of all is what am I good at?  Where is my niche?

When my brother died they spoke about how he dabbled in so many different things, but when he did, he had to be the best at it.  Well, we were similar in one thing.  I dabble in many different things.  But we differ as well.  I don't want to be the best, I just want to find what I'm good at.

I've done everything.  Dance, gymnastics, ice-skating, art, music, photography, writing, psychology, social work, teaching.  Seriously, I've tried everything.  And I thought in high school when I tried photography that I had found that one good thing that I was good at, and then I realized I wasn't.  I sucked.  Then, I thought I would be good at psychology, so I majored in it.  Nope I suck at that too.  Same with social work.

( I know I sound like debbie-downer. But go with it, I'm having an off day)

All my friends have found what they're good at.  (For identity purposes I won't use names just numbers.)

1. Is good at psychology and photography.  Both of which I've tried.  And when I say good what I really mean is she has serious talent.

2.  Is amazing at her major natural resource conservation management, and she is a natural at modeling.  Seriously, if she put the effort into it she could go all the way to the top.  She just has the gene for it.

I've tried for so long to find what I'm good at and I just can't.

I have doubts about myself.  Just like everyone else.