Monograms and Mochas: 22 days

I know it’s been 22 days since I’ve posted but, it’s been a whirlwind of events since my last post.

On December 4, about an hour after my last post, I received a phone call from my hysterical and crying mother. It was then that she told me my oldest brother, Jeremy, was dead.

He was dead.

I was shocked, frozen, I didn’t even have time to ask questions or react before my mother said I have to call your grandmother and hung up. I grabbed my two best friends and told them. I just blurted it out and then I started to laugh. Yeah, you read that right. I was laughing. How could he be dead? My mind was rejecting the thought. And then slowly as the Sarah’s started asking questions it began to hit me. He was dead. He would never call, he would never come home, and he was not breathing. He was dead, and I can remember saying “…but being dead is permanent. He can’t come back, and he can’t change his mind. It was done, done and done.

That’s when the tears the started and didn’t stop.

My mom called back and told me he had been killed in a murder-suicide and I would later find out he had been shot in the head. He didn’t have a choice. He had been murdered.

I was picked up the next morning and that’s when it really truly sank in.

I won’t give all the details, we planned his visitation, funeral and what was eventually called the after-party. I was surprised at how well I was being. I cried when I felt like it but otherwise, and this weird, my mom, his wife, and me actually laughed. A lot. It felt good. We had been so sad, we had cried so much, that it was a healing laugh and I never wanted it to stop.

So. Since then I haven’t had time to post anything. I’m not sure where the past 3 weeks have gone but they went fast and I’m not sure what I did.

So, now on to Christmas.

We celebrated with my extended family Christmas Eve like always and it was beautiful. My grandmother’s house was full of family, love, laughter, and warmth. I couldn’t stop smiling all night. It was the happiest I had been in a while.

My immediate family will be celebrating a little later. Things are tough at my house. We had no money for gifts so were celebrating when we have a little more money. That’s okay though because I have everything I want.

I have my family. And that’s more than I can ask for.

I have one last thing on my list. The Sarah’s and I are getting a new rommmate.

So far, I like her.

Her name is Caroline, she’s a freshman and she seems really sweet and nervous. A lot like I did when I transferred freshman year. So, I’m excited to see how the semester turns out. I think God has some amazing plans in my future and I can’t wait to find out what they are.

I’m getting ready for New Years and 2014!!

Here’s some of my favorite gifts from this Christmas